Paradise Lost Boxed Set Read online

  Paradise Lost: Books 1 through 4

  Ramy Vance

  Keep Evolving Studios

  Contents

  BONUS CONTENT

  Part I

  1. In The Beginning …

  2. Of Angels and Men

  3. Even Angels Have Their Wicked Schemes

  4. Do Caged Angels Sing?

  5. Trains, Planes, Automobiles and Wings

  6. Lust or Love

  7. The Head of the Pin Is Crowded

  8. White Wings, White Coat

  9. Blessed Be He

  10. Being Human Is Easy … If You Have the Cash

  11. Home Is Where Your Heart Is

  12. Just When It Was All Going So Well

  Part II

  13. Prologue

  14. Unleash the Dogs of War

  15. Spiteful Angels

  16. Even Angels Have Wicked Schemes

  17. The Question Is an Answer

  18. Everything Leaves Behind a Scent

  19. The Light at the End of the Tunnel of Shit

  20. Betrayal Can Be Sweet

  Part III

  21. Prologue

  22. A Fight for Life and Life

  23. Run, Lola, Run

  24. Revenge Is a Dish Best Served as a Banquet

  25. Life from Above

  26. Choices, Choices

  27. Putting Affairs in Order

  28. On the Road Again

  Part IV

  29. Prologue

  30. Memories

  31. Dream a Little Dream of Me

  32. Thanks for Making Me a Fighter

  33. The Deepening

  34. Paradise Lost … Now Back to Paradise Lot

  2. Keep Evolving

  Part V

  35. In the Beginning …

  36. A Nest of Sexy Vipers

  37. De-Evolution and the Manicure

  38. Which is Heavier—a Ton of Stone or a Ton of Peacock Feathers?

  39. Star Wars Ain’t Just for Humans

  40. Yes, the Internet is Just for Porn

  41. Sibling Rivalry, Sororal Bonds and Cat Fights

  42. Come Drive with Me …

  43. Hairy Men, Fish and Flight … As in, Run Away

  44. Family Feud: Gods Edition

  45. Lights, Camera, Spying

  46. Shake It, Baby!

  Part VI

  47. Prologue

  48. The Earth Shook, the Stars Fell

  49. Apocalypses Aren’t Just the End of the World—They’re a Mind-Set

  50. Momma’s Gotta Die

  51. Coming Straight from the Underground

  52. Do You Even Realize the Sacrifices I’ve Made for You?

  53. Bob’s Back, Baby!

  54. A Lot of Hot Air

  55. Hairdresser’s Got a Gun

  Part VII

  56. Prologue

  57. Jedi Are Not the Only 1980s Troupes

  58. Cookies and Mopeds

  59. Hairy Men, Bulls and the Predator Three

  60. Some Fiction Ain’t Fiction

  61. Out with the Old, In with the Chaos

  62. Jail Isn’t the Best Place for a Third Date

  63. Apocalypses and Children, Children and Apocalypses

  64. Trumpets, Trumpets, Trumpets

  65. Crystals Are More than Just Pretty

  66. Calamari, Anyone?

  Part VIII

  67. Prologue

  68. What the What?

  69. It’s Raining Frogs! Hellelujah!

  70. On a Prayer and Wing—Well, Two Wings

  71. Worst … Day … Ever

  72. Once More … With Feeling

  3. Crystaldreams

  Part IX

  73. In the Beginning …

  74. Not All Entrepreneurs Are Created Equal

  75. Refusing Offers You Can’t Refuse

  76. Despite Popular Belief—Sinbad’s a Girl

  77. Mother-in-Leer

  78. Fairies, Snakes, Angels and—Arrgh!

  79. That’s Captain Archangel to You

  80. Men in Love and Men in Uniform

  81. The Monster Under Your Bed

  82. Occultists and Their Trained Abominations

  Epilogue to Part One

  Part X

  83. Prologue to Part Two

  84. Anomalies and Sleeping Angels

  85. Angels in the Sky, Police on the Ground and Ghosts in the Night

  86. Regroup, Reassess … Retreat?

  87. Caps, Captains and Cains

  88. Do That Thang You Do So Well

  89. Sailors, Jackals, Succubae and Passports

  90. Elevators and Angels

  91. Jackal-Guards and Eyes and Ghosts and Succubae and Harlequin Romance Cover Models

  92. Kids and Planes and Buses

  93. Epilogue to Part Two

  Part XI

  94. Prologue to Part Three

  95. Next Bee Nurseries, Nappies and Dirty Pixies

  96. Pixies, Monsters and Invulnerable Sailors

  97. Ever Been Punched By a Pixie?

  98. Monster vs. Pirate (Hint: Pity the Monster)

  99. Save Us, Sinbad, Angel and … Weird Guy in a Black Jacket?

  100. The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round

  101. Donuts, Cops and Rubber Bands

  102. You Had Me at Hello

  103. Epilogue to Part Three

  Part XII

  104. Prologue to Part Four

  105. Preparations, Help and Hope … Nah! Just Kidding!

  106. Nobody Knows the Trouble I’m In …

  107. New Living Quarters and Empty Chest Cavities

  108. Flashbacks and Retro Camper Vans

  109. Universal Serial Buses and Picklocks

  110. Council … to the Sidebar

  111. CrystalDreams

  112. Epilogue to Part Four

  Part XIII

  113. Prologue to Part Five

  114. Bringing the Boom

  115. Assault on The Garden

  ↔ A Brief Interlude ↔

  ↔ End Of Brief Interlude ↔

  116. Epilogue to Part Five

  117. CrystalDreams

  4. Penemue’s Inferno

  XIV. Hell

  118. Portals to Hell and Dead Wives

  119. Dark Forests and Cold Mother-in-Laws

  120. Not All Rivers Flow

  121. Hostile Rivers and River Hostiles

  122. Ahh, So I Was Kind of Seeing This Gorgon

  XV. Hell

  123. All Public Libraries Should Look Like This

  124. Apparently the Worms in Tremors Were After the Books

  125. A Brief Interlude

  126. Out of the Library and Into the … School?

  127. Classroom of the Gods

  128. Ever Been Punched by a God?

  129. Dark Forests, Skeletons, Stonewalls and Goodbye Kisses

  130. Spanking Gods and Raging Thors

  131. Fighting Godly Power with Godly Power

  132. Frightening Gods with Old Flames

  XVI. Earth

  133. Marc’s Story—Part 1

  134. OtherMe Is Yummy

  135. Lust Is Enough

  136. Sex Isn’t the Only Game We’ll Play Tonight

  137. Hounds, Huntresses and Hate

  138. New Moon, No Moon

  XVII. Hell

  139. Tearful Serpents

  140. Why Would Anyone Ever Fight Over Me?

  141. Abandoned Classrooms and Fresh Hells

  142. Family Fights, Pain and (a Modicum) of Gain

  143. Rolling Darkness, Pinpricks of Light and All Hope Be Damned

  144. Chain Guns, Shooting in the Dark and Misguided Teenagers

  XVIII. EARTH

  145. ↔↔↔A
Very Brief Interlude↔↔↔

  146. EightBall and Bats, Darkness and Hell

  147. Demons of the Past Hurt, But Monsters in the Present Kill

  XIX. Hell

  148. Dying Isn’t What You’d Expect

  149. Explosive Families and Families Exploding

  150. Again and Again and Again, Ad Infinitum

  151. Keeping Secrets Secret

  152. Home Is Where the Heart Is … Even When It’s Not Your Own Home

  153. Now May Be Forever, But Forever Isn’t Now

  154. Anything, Everything

  155. I’ll Love You Forever, I’ll Like You for Always

  156. You Don’t Have to Die to Commit Suicide

  157. Like Bats Out of Hell

  158. Exploding Libraries and Runaway Wives

  ***A Brief Interlude***

  XX. Earth

  159. For Whom the Bella Toils

  160. Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye

  161. Fighting Yourself Hurts

  XXI. Changes

  About the Author

  Bonus Content

  Keep Evolving Series © Copyright <<2018>> Ramy Vance

  Copyright notice: All rights reserved under the International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, organizations, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Warning: the unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to five years in prison and a fine of $250,000.

  For more information, email: [email protected]

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  GONEGOD WORLD

  Part I

  In The Beginning …

  “Trap the bogeyman, she said. Steal his bell, she said. And what do I do? I listen to her,” I muttered to myself as I laced beads onto a long piece of tread.

  “I listen to my dead wife, who, by the way, speaks to me in my dreams, because, that’s normal. And when she tells me to hang out in a dark, scary park with a Mug Me Here sign on my back because … what? … I’m still pussy-whipped?”

  I chuckled at the thought as I laced the last of the ceramic trinkets then walked the thread around three nearby trees to form my own Bermuda’s Triangle of yarn. A cat’s cradle—if the cat were the size of an elephant. “Pussy-whipped from beyond the grave.”

  I carefully placed my Cabbage Patch Kid that I got from my—ehem—collection in the middle of the triangle. Hey, don’t judge me … I love old toys and the Cabbage Patch Kid is a classic. “Open your hearts to a Cabbage Patch Kid … each sold separately,” I hummed as I worked.

  I shook my head. “I need help.”

  Then I pulled out a blue quilt from my baby days, and covered the toy with it. Once my trap was set, I pressed play on a Sony Walkman that I hooked up to a little portable speaker and climbed up a nearby tree.

  The Cabbage Patch cries rang out in the night.

  “Here I am,” I muttered to myself again—or maybe I was complaining to my dead wife just in case she was listening—“a grown man, sitting in a tree, literally waiting for the bogeyman to show up because she told me to do it. I didn’t really listen to her when she was alive, so why start now?”

  I felt a pang of guilt whenever I thought about Bella in such a callous way. She was the love of life, my soulmate—if such a thing exists—and she was gone forever. I loved her and her being dead hadn’t changed that one bit.

  And the fact that I dreamed of her every night proved that, too. Right? I mean, why else would my dreams be filled with her?

  Not because I couldn’t let go. I can let go. I’m well adjusted.

  Seriously.

  But even I couldn’t deny that dangling from a tree, in the dark, broadcasting a toy baby’s toy cries, was case-and-point to the contrary. Still in love, yes. Well adjusted? Hardly.

  Certifiably insane, most likely.

  At least the “bogeyman” part didn’t make me crazy. He’s real—thank the GoneGods.

  And not just him—they’re all real. Legends, fables, mythical creatures—all of ’em, real as you and me. And all currently living amongst us ever since the gods decided to pack up and leave, closing their heavens and hells and forcing their “Other” creations onto Earth—the only remaining plane of existence they left open in this Universe.

  As if Earth didn’t have enough problems with just humans, we now have to add on the divine complications that elves, trolls, oni demons, dragons and all the other Others brought with them—you name it, we got it!

  I listened as my Sony Walkman cried on a loop. The recording was OK given that I got it from a YouTube video and had to really work some cross-generational technical hook-ups, but it worked in the end.

  Not the best baby crying in the world, but good enough. For the mission, at least.

  If only the bogeyman would show up. Where the hell was he? I knew the guy hung out around these parts and my source told me that he frequently cut through the park at night on his way to what he referred to as a gathering. It was night, and this was the park, so why wasn’t he gathering?

  Then again, my source could be wrong. He was, after all, a drunk fallen angel who lived in my attic. Still, it was quite literally in Penemue’s nature to know things—

  Bells. Chiming in a chaotic rhythm, like a dozen nearby churches ringing their Sunday bells a few hours premature.

  The chiming drew closer and my heart sped as I waited for the bogeyman to appear. I had one chance to get this guy in my trap or suffer the consequences. And according to my source, this particular bogeyman travelled with a shelleycoat … and pissing off a shelleycoat had all kinds of nasty bad-for-your-health consequences.

  Legend has it that shelleycoats dealt with those who crossed their path by getting the offender so lost and confused that they would literally die of starvation as they wandered aimlessly looking for the path back home. Even Hansel and Gretel, those clever bastards.

  Stories of bodies lying dead only a few feet away from a clearing or a road littered the shelleycoat’s past. And I was determined not to add my own to the shelleycoat’s present.